Just before the Sun sets.....

 

A differently blue sky.....

 

Welcoming the new year..

 

Me and my object of affection....

 

Every sunrise has a sunset

 

Rainfall outside my window

 

I am..... The Undertaker!

Oh what a feeling it can be, to be surrounded by people and still feel alone. To have your friends around you, or your so-called friends around you all the time. And give others the false impression that you are all together, when actually they are all together, and I am all alone. I don’t know how I got into this place. I don’t know why I feel out of place. I only know that while everyone has someone else with them, I have only empty spaces for company. The best moments, the laughter, the smiles, all fake. Nothing is real, except for the truth. And the truth is, there is no one else.

I see them, but I just see through them. They smile when we all are together, but never at me. They smile among themselves, but I am a stranger then. They crack jokes, and also laugh. I laugh too, but I am non-existent for them. For them, I just exist, I don’t live.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever come out of this loneliness, this slow poison that’s killing me. I cannot live alone; I cannot live with people who don’t love me, who don’t care for me. I don’t like false smiles, I don’t like plastic feelings. I don’t like double standards, I don’t like fakes. I don’t know if their relationships are for the moment, for I feel they are together only till when they need each other. I can’t think that way. When I make friends, I make them friends for life. I don’t know people because I need them; I need people because I know them.

They care about each other. They call each other and speak to each other, often smiling. And there I am, being with myself. And I feel neglected, I feel ignored. I feel left out. And I have nowhere to go; I am stuck with them, bound to them till a point in time. I hope I reach that point soon, because I want to separate out. I want to feel real happiness once again. I want to hug my real friends once again. I want to see them smile; I want to see the twinkle in their eyes again.

I am sure the day will come soon. When, I do not know. All I can do is hope.